flashback friday : happy birthday baby

It’s been awhile since A) I posted & B) did a Flashback Friday. I’ve missed blogging, but with my 2 boys, it’s really last on my list of priorities. But I thought that I would come out of my blogging hibernation & do a post in honor of my baby big boy Benjamin.

Today he turns 2. Wow! Really?? When did this happen?

It really doesn’t seem like long ago when we took this picture. I was totally exhausted but so in love with my sweet boy.

It’s been 2 years full of  constant surprises, fun, love, laughing, & lots of learning (on both our parts). I am continuously amazed with the gift that God has given me.

Happy Birthday love.


flashback friday

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Finally getting back around to blogging…

After reading that t0day is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance day I thought it was only fitting that I flashback to December 2007 & share the only photo I have of my sweet baby.

I found out that I was pregnant on November 8, 2007 & both Nate & I were shocked & excited! On December 7 we went in for our first ultrasound. We didn’t know what to expect, but couldn’t wait to see our little baby! According to my cycle I should’ve been about 8 weeks along, but after checking on the baby it was determined that I was only 6 weeks along. The midwife had trouble finding a heartbeat (sometimes normal for 6 weeks) & saw some other abnormality that caused her to be alarmed. She let us know that we might possibly be miscarrying & ordered us a more detailed ultrasound. It would’ve been sweet to be able to get that ultrasound immediately, but of course it was Friday afternoon at the end of the day & we had to wait all the way until Monday in order to find out if our baby was okay. I was crushed. I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to be strong for my baby. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was reminded of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” I tried to rejoice always, knowing that God knew my baby. He formed him or her in the womb & was completely in control of every single thing that was going on. It was a difficult weekend, but with the prayers & support of our awesome family & friends we made it through. On Monday, December 10 after a second ultrasound it was determined that everything looked great! Thank you Lord! We were so excited!

In the following couple of weeks my nausea started to set it & I was beyond thankful for it because that meant that my hormones were flowing & my pregnancy was going well. My pants even started not to fit! I had a great few weeks completely enjoying being pregnant.

On December 30 everything changed when I started spotting. I knew immediately that everything was not okay. I had this feeling deep within me that this was not “normal”. I was taken back to that day just a few weeks before when the midwife thought something was wrong. I was devastated & spent most of the night that I can remember crying and praying with Nate. The next day, New Years Eve, the spotting continued & we went to the ER with some great friends by our side to see if  I could get an ultrasound to determine if everything was okay. Unfortunately it was New Years Eve &  I was told that I would be spending most of the night in the ER if I wanted an ultrasound because everyone that was there took priority over me. Nothing could be done for me if I was miscarrying so I wasn’t on the top of the list. We ended up leaving & spending the night with close friends trying to be joyful & thankful for the blessings that God had given us & surrendering our baby to Him, because he or she was always His to begin with.

I had a doctor appointment already scheduled for Friday, January 4 so I took it easy that week, didn’t do much walking or standing, but the spotting continued intermittently. Friday finally came & I could not wait to see my midwife. I knew. I knew my baby was dying. I went in ready to hear the news. I wasn’t trying to be negative or unhopeful, I just knew.  It was confirmed that since the baby had not grown in size since my 6 week ultrasound & there was no heartbeat, that I indeed had miscarried. Even though I knew it was coming I didn’t want to hear it. I can’t even begin to describe how much that moment hurt.

I remember my baby regularly. I think of how old he or she would have been & how different my life would be now. It was hard to get through & some days I didn’t see how it was going to get better. I thought I would always be sad. I thought I would always start crying at the slightest thing. I thought it would always be difficult to be around people with kids. Thankfully, I was wrong. Everyday God made me stronger & the more I relied on Him for that strength the more healing I received. James 5:3  says “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope…” While I still miss my baby, I am thankful for the hope that God provides. I am hopeful that one day I will see my baby again & he or she will know me & we will be together in Heaven.

On this day, please remember & pray for all those mamas (& papas) that have lost a baby.

flashback friday

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Time for Flashback Friday! Thought I’d finally do one again since it’s been awhile.

Nathaniel, Benjamin & I.

I’m pretty sure we’re all somewhere around 15-18 months in these photos. I think it’s pretty obvious that for the most part Benjamin totally looks like me, but really, some of his features just stump me. I still have a hard time figuring out where some of his looks & facial expressions come from. I think both of the men in my life are pretty darn cute *ahem* handsome.


For more Flashbacks check out Christopher & Tia’s Blog.

Flashback Friday

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Another Friday, another Flashback. Check out Christopher & Tia’s blog for more!

this week my first instinct was to post a flashback friday about one of my favorite birthdays since today happens to be my birthday. unfortunately upon looking for photos, i don’t really seem to have any at my home that are really significant.

i looked & looked & came upon this picture of my husband taken in september 2007 while enjoying a stroll in downtown ventura.

i love how happy he looks. i love his smile. i love the reflection in his glasses (one of my bff’s nancy striking a pose). i love the red of his beard that sharply stops at his brown hair. i see this picture & it just makes me smile.

i don’t think i post nearly enough about my husband & how awesome he is. i love him a lot. ❤

Flashback Friday: Fathers Day

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Happy Fathers Day!

Fathers Day is on Sunday & I have the privilege of celebrating the best dad EVER. I don’t say that just because it’s what your supposed to say about your dad, he really is the best dad ever. I am definitely a “daddy’s girl” through & through & there’s not really much my dad can do wrong in my eyes. He is selfless, a hard worker, caring, hilarious (even when his jokes are 20+ years old), a good husband & father, & he’d do just about anything for his family & friends. Most of all he’s a man of God who seeks to serve the Lord daily in all areas of his life & out of all his awesome attributes, that is the one I strive most strongly to emulate.

Here’s a pic of me & my dad when I’m about 6 months old. I love the matching morning bed head.

And here’s one of us almost exactly 4 years ago on my wedding day. We had just finished our Father/Daughter dance.

Love you!

Flashback Friday

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It’s that time again! Flashback Friday hosted by Christopher & Tia. Check it out & join the fun!

Lately I’ve been looking at my baby boy & have been shocked by the realization that he’s transforming from my baby boy to my little toddler right in front of my eyes. I was looking at the above bath pictures from just over a year ago & from just a week ago & i’m completely amazed. When did he get so big? *sigh*

Flashback Friday

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It’s time for Flashback Friday! This week as I was looking through pictures I ran across the photos we took on our 7 day cruise in September of 2008 to Mexico when I was about 15 weeks pregnant. It really doesn’t feel like it was that long ago! We had such a nice relaxing week & even though I was pregnant & couldn’t do many activities we still enjoyed ourselves. It was the first cruise for both of us & was a late anniversary/we-finally-get-to-go-on-the-honeymoon-I-wanted gift (we went to Hawaii & I wanted to go to Mexico, haha).

I can’t wait to one day go back! I miss the heat, I miss the scenery, I miss the beaches & the warm water. Maybe one day…

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1 year ago today, after waiting an extra week, my niece Madelyn Joy decided to make her grand entrance. I almost got the honor of being in the room when she was born (I was the videographer…fancy for “I’m holding the camcorder”), but the little missy just couldn’t make her way out so her mama was whisked away for a cesarean. That night I only got to see her for about 30 seconds as she was brought into the room & my pictures didn’t really do that moment justice so I stole this one from her mama. What a cute family!

As I went looking through photos I realized that this is the only one I have of me & her while she was still in the hospital. Well, there is another one, but it’s not my most flattering 1 month after baby photo (all you mama’s know what I’m talking about). 

And here is the little missy today! We spent the morning at Disneyland hanging out with her & taking lots of pictures! She is so much fun to be around & always has something to say even if I can’t understand a word of it.

I really am lucky to have such an awesome family. Love love love them.

Flashback Friday

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When I married my husband I not only gained an amazing family, but I gained an amazingly awesome close group of friends. My husband’s 2 best friends happen to have wives that I am blessed to call 2 of my best friends. We joke that our hubby’s would’ve never been able to get married if the 3 of us didn’t like each other.

Here we are in July 2007; Jamie, Me & Sherrie.

Jamie had been married about about 2 years, me for 1 year & Sherrie was about 3 months away from her wedding day. We were childless at the time, but that would soon change when in November of that year I found out I was pregnant. Unfortunately about a month & a half later I miscarried. Even in the midst of  going through that I was able to rejoice & be excited for Jamie because she found out that she was pregnant! About 3 months later Jamie, Sherrie & the hubbys came to visit us in San Diego & Sherrie burst into the house so excited to let us know that she was pregnant, too! And just 3 months after that while eating lunch with everyone my hubby let it drop in a prayer that we were pregnant. It was seriously one of the most awesome experiences to be pregnant at the same time as my friends knowing that we’d be able to raise our kids together, especially since we were all expecting boys!

Fast forward to March 20, 2010. Here we are just 2 days after Benjamin was born right after I got home from the hospital.

While most moms might want to be alone just hours after getting home I was more than excited for my friends to come over so our boys could meet! Corban was 6 months old, Benjamin 2 days old & Harvey 3 months old. Over the next year we spent a lot of time together! Our boys are definitely BFF’s, whether they like it or not. haha.

And now, here we are with our little men on March 20, 2010 at Benjamin’s birthday party.

Corban is 18 months, Benjamin 1 year & Harvey 15 months. They are all such blessings to be around & each one has such a fun personality. I cannot wait to see how they are going to surprise us & push us over the coming year.

I love my friends & our boys & am so thankful for them.

Flashback Friday

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Yay! My very first Flashback Friday. I’ve been frequenting The Adventures of Christopher & Tia for sometime now & have always wanted to participate, but just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

This is very very pregnant me almost 1 year ago, March 16, 2009. It was only 2 days before my Benjamin was born & 4 days from my due date of March 20. It was such a beautiful day so my husband & I went for a walk with our good friends in the gorgeous city of Laguna Beach. I was so so over being pregnant at this point & would have loved for Benjamin to be born on St. Patrick’s day, especially since his papa is Irish & his middle name happens to be Patrick (totally not planned to work out like that). I was really hoping this walk would help to start my labor. Of course things never work out perfectly & my labor didn’t start until the early morning of March 18.

This is probably my absolute favorite pregnancy photo. I love the silhouette & how you can totally see all of my big bellyness in it’s full glory. What you can’t see is my extreme discomfort, back pain, and the fact that I waddled everywhere! haha. I can hardly believe that this was only a year ago. I’m sitting here looking at my baby boy walk around his room & get into everything & it really feels as if this photo was taken just yesterday & he’s still in my tummy.

For more flashbacks check out The Adventures of Christopher & Tia.